I went to see the doctor yesterday. The only thing I was afraid of, before I went in, was that he might be a Jehovah's Witness and tell me something like: 'Of course your depressed! You left Jehovah!' Thankfully that didn't happen. The conversation went something like this:
I told him what I was thinking about. That I couldn't stop thinking about religious thoughts. That I think I've lost God's favor and... "Wait" he said, "you think you're going to hell, right?" "Something like that" I said. "That's very common thinking among people of all religions." he said "You can't take the words of Jesus literally. It's all allegory". I said "what about when Jesus talked about the broad road to destruction and the narrow road to life?. Doesn't that mean most people don't have God's favor and are going to die?" "That's not literal" he said "That's the destruction of your mind. Hell is a state of mind... the place you are right now." I said "I keep thinking I'm going to die at armageddon" he said "we're all going to face our own personal armageddons".
The conversation went on like this for quite awhile. I was kind of surprised because he's a psychiatrist, and I thought they were mainly about chemical imbalances and medications.
He didn't say whether he thought I was depressed or not. He didn't put me on an anti-depressant because he said sometimes it can make your thoughts of panic get worse. He's having me try a mood stabilizer instead. He also gave me a traquilizer.
I'm not convinced my thinking is flawed but I'll try this to see if it helps me from always being so down.
